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November 17th, 2009

for the last 3 maybe 4 weeks, i've been getting psychic vibrations that something, somewhere, with someone in my family is in a bad patch. I've had these feelings since i was a teenager, so am now very framilier with how they feel and what they mean.
one of the side efects of this feeling, is the feeling that my skin is crawling. the feeling can last anywhere from a few seconds to hours - and the longer it goes on, the more uncofrotable it gets. it can get to the point of pain.
where it tells me something's wrong, somewhere, it doesnt tell me WHO. which is troublesome.
pacing sometimes help, easing the discomfort. it seems to fool my body into thinking i'm doing something about it. Sometimes, i call different members of my family, to see if everything is okay. Sometimes, i just don't realize who the person is - like when my phoopi-jan died.
until i find out who and what, the feelings come in waves - peaks and valleys. during the peaks, i get almost unrational. i've made excuses that 'ive got to go' when, technically, i dont. since the problem isn't where i'm at, it must be somewhere else (doh) and i've got to go and find it.
since my family is no longer close to me, i can't GO there, like i used to. I can't point myself in a direction and act like i'm heading there. It used to be, if i pointed myself in the right direction, the feeling would go away (its how i'd figure out who was in trouble). (any of my old readers recognize charity hornblower?) If it was the wrong direction, the feeling continued.
for weeks now, the feeling is building, and it's making me CRAZY.